By The Ewedrooper Staff ▶
The Canadian Federal election takes place tomorrow, and it's a neck-and-neck dogfight between Liberal Mark Carney, an Oxford-educated economist, and Conservative Pierre Poilievre, a career politician and skilled alliterator.
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Poilievre has ably demonstrated his alliteration skills since becoming leader of the Conservatives. Like a sweet-talking Southern preacher-man, he has larded his lingo with consecutive consonants, talking about "technology, not taxes" and "Common Sense Conservatives." Alliteration serves as a superb way to speed up a speech and get people stirred up at the same time. Even Poilievre's name itself is alliterative, with its PP combo. Poilievre has also expanded his use of literary devices into the realm of rhyme, saying Conservatives will "Axe the Tax," referring to either Justin Trudeau's carbon tax or any given tax a potential conservative voter dislikes. When Mark Carney replaced Justin Trudeau as Liberal leader just over a month ago, Poilievre threw more alliterative shade leftward, dubbing the new Prime Minister "Carbon Tax Carney" (despite the fact that Carney wants to move past a carbon tax) and declaring he was "Just Like Justin."
Mark Carney, by contrast, embodies assonance. Assonance involves repeating vowel sounds in the stressed syllables of consecutive words. The name "Mark Carney" itself exemplifies this literary device in the doubled ar sections of the first and last names. Assonance serves to slow down speech or writing, creating a more deliberate rhythm. This resonates with Carney's approach of applying measured deliberation and thought to issues and policies, using evidence and reason to arrive at sound conclusions.
Thus, on account of literary devices alone, we the Ewedrooper staff must lend our endorsement to Mark Carney in the Canadian federal election. Sound economic reasoning should prevail over sloganeering word games. Apparently, the Canadian populace agrees, as Carney currently holds a narrow lead in the polls. Accordingly, CBC's statisticians have given Carney a 69% probability of winning a majority. Poilievre, meanwhile, has a 10% chance of winning a minority and just a 1% chance of winning a majority—though polls have been known to be wildly incorrect of late (possibly due to right-wing types taking sadistic pleasure in lying to pollsters). (For up-to-date polling and probabilities, click here)
Will Poilievre snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and keep up the carnival barker routine? If he can, Poilievre will ensure that the true carny becomes Prime Minister of Canada.
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