By Stephen Kunk & J.C. Andrews►
They have IQs of at least 190.
They sleep an hour and a half per night with eyes open.
They are very well endowed.
They can eat 30-plus cheeseburgers in one sitting. They remain svelte.
They quaff Grey Goose straight, yet they never show any sign of intoxication beyond affable tipsiness.
They have performed open-heart surgery while intoxicated.
They have individually slept with at least 750 women.
They hold black belts in Karate, Jujitsu and Taekwondo. They are undefeated in bareknuckle combat.
They are proficient with military grade weaponry.
They have never made a grammatical error – written or spoken – ever, in any language.
They are fluent in English, German, French, Quebecois, Iroquois, Cree, Russian, Kazakh, Arabic, Persian, Swahili, Afrikaans, Aramaic, Hebrew, Yiddish, Modern Irish, Gaelic, Welsh, Czech, Slovakian, Czechoslovakian, Portuguese, Brazilian Portuguese, Korean, North Korean, Finnish, Icelandic, Koine Greek, Vulgate Latin, Esperanto, Jamaican Patois, and Klingon. They also have some Sanskrit.
They refer to sexual intercourse as “minor surgery” and no woman, anywhere, has ever complained about this.
They speak exclusively in the third person, and again, no women complain.
They have orgied with radical feminists and porn stars in the operating theatre between surgeries.
They write intricately-plotted inspirational novels over the course of a long weekend and then delete them.
They have been voted father of the year by children they didn’t raise.
But enough about ourselves – surgeons deserve some praise for their virtues, too.
They sleep an hour and a half per night with eyes open.
They are very well endowed.
They can eat 30-plus cheeseburgers in one sitting. They remain svelte.
They quaff Grey Goose straight, yet they never show any sign of intoxication beyond affable tipsiness.
They have performed open-heart surgery while intoxicated.
They have individually slept with at least 750 women.
They hold black belts in Karate, Jujitsu and Taekwondo. They are undefeated in bareknuckle combat.
They are proficient with military grade weaponry.
They have never made a grammatical error – written or spoken – ever, in any language.
They are fluent in English, German, French, Quebecois, Iroquois, Cree, Russian, Kazakh, Arabic, Persian, Swahili, Afrikaans, Aramaic, Hebrew, Yiddish, Modern Irish, Gaelic, Welsh, Czech, Slovakian, Czechoslovakian, Portuguese, Brazilian Portuguese, Korean, North Korean, Finnish, Icelandic, Koine Greek, Vulgate Latin, Esperanto, Jamaican Patois, and Klingon. They also have some Sanskrit.
They refer to sexual intercourse as “minor surgery” and no woman, anywhere, has ever complained about this.
They speak exclusively in the third person, and again, no women complain.
They have orgied with radical feminists and porn stars in the operating theatre between surgeries.
They write intricately-plotted inspirational novels over the course of a long weekend and then delete them.
They have been voted father of the year by children they didn’t raise.
But enough about ourselves – surgeons deserve some praise for their virtues, too.
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Stephen Kunk lives with his wife and two daughters in Portland. J.C. Andrews transcends genders and genres.
