By Stephen Kunk►
Sometimes, even fake news can go too far. World News Daily Report (WNDR), a notorious fake news site run out of Quebec, recently published a story that has been met with outrage throughout the state of Florida.
The controversial WNDR story reported that a serial burglar from North Florida had made a shameful confession to police. He had broken into a house and stolen a jar of what he thought to be drugs. He then proceeded to snort the supposed drugs, only to find out that it was not cocaine or some other powder-based stimulant, but rather dried-up semen that was being collected by the woman of the house. For his indulgence, the burglar got genital herpes and syphilis.
Or so the story was contrived. None of the events actually took place, as should have been clear by the bold disclaimer to that effect at the top of the webpage. Nonetheless, the details hit a little too close to home for a few dedicated Floridian readers, and the resultant ire has been all too real.
"It's on attack on our culture," said Linda Sue Parsons, head of the Florida Republican Alliance of Women's Traditions (FRAWT). "It mocks our core customs."
One can see how Floridians would be easily deceived by a story of a man snorting dried semen from a come-hoarder's private collection. Semen-hoarding is a cherished Floridian cultural practice--nothing short of a rite of passage for North Florida working class Republican women and girls.
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| Congressman Ted Yoho (R-Florida) |
"WNDR has been so responsive to Florida-related matters in the past," said Ted Yoho, a congressman based in Gainesville. "So I'm surprised and saddened by these developments. Semen in a jar is like a cellphone--or a handgun--in your pocket. For WNDR to mock this fundamental Floridian right is utterly tasteless."
Many Floridians have vowed to no longer rely on WNDR as their go-to news source. In this spirit, a Facebook-based boycott has been organized by Earlene Hopkins of Okeechobee.
"To go and make fun of the come jar," said Hopkins, a seventeen-year-old mother of six, "it feels like betrayal. I don't want my five daughters to grow up ashamed of their heritage.
"Florida trusted you, WNDR, and then you go and insult us like this?"
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Stephen Kunk is a staff reporter for Ewedrooper. He lives in Oregon with his wife and, alas, only two daughters.
