By Stephen Kunk►
The United Nations
has officially designated the United States of America as a “Shithole
Country.”
The decision was set in motion earlier today, when the UN General Assembly convened a virtual meeting regarding the current state of international affairs. During this online summit, Secretary-General António Guterres put forward a proposal to designate the United States as a “shithole.”
Guterres read from a prepared statement, justifying the designation as follows: “The United States has, as a nation, come to be characterized by constant protests, unbridled pandemics, and political leaders who deny climate change. America is the apotheosis of systemic racism. The American head-of-state is a multi-time alleged sex offender, whose political ambitions appear to be driven solely by personal aggrandizement and self-exaltation. To ensure this end, this president has resorted to the autocratic militarization of police forces and threats to stymie freedom of expression via social media. This has culminated in a political regime reminiscent of Venezuela, El Salvador, and Iran, among other shitholes past.”
The proposal was brought to an immediate show of hands, with attending members voting unanimously in favor of the United States’ shithole designation. The USA is now grouped among other currently recognized Shithole Countries such as Nambia and the Country of Africa.
Guterres closed the meeting by stating that the United States’ shithole status will be re-evaluated after the upcoming general election in November. A Joe Biden victory could factor into the UN’s decision to upgrade the United States from “Shithole” to “Cesspit.”
The decision was set in motion earlier today, when the UN General Assembly convened a virtual meeting regarding the current state of international affairs. During this online summit, Secretary-General António Guterres put forward a proposal to designate the United States as a “shithole.”
Guterres read from a prepared statement, justifying the designation as follows: “The United States has, as a nation, come to be characterized by constant protests, unbridled pandemics, and political leaders who deny climate change. America is the apotheosis of systemic racism. The American head-of-state is a multi-time alleged sex offender, whose political ambitions appear to be driven solely by personal aggrandizement and self-exaltation. To ensure this end, this president has resorted to the autocratic militarization of police forces and threats to stymie freedom of expression via social media. This has culminated in a political regime reminiscent of Venezuela, El Salvador, and Iran, among other shitholes past.”
The proposal was brought to an immediate show of hands, with attending members voting unanimously in favor of the United States’ shithole designation. The USA is now grouped among other currently recognized Shithole Countries such as Nambia and the Country of Africa.
Guterres closed the meeting by stating that the United States’ shithole status will be re-evaluated after the upcoming general election in November. A Joe Biden victory could factor into the UN’s decision to upgrade the United States from “Shithole” to “Cesspit.”
