Obi Wan Kenobi Outed as Slave Owner

By Frisk Nightingale► 

A series of holographic recordings saved to the memory system of a decommissioned astromech droid stored in the databanks of the Tatooine archives has revealed that Benjamin Kenobi, a.k.a. Obi Wan Kenobi, was a slave owner. The messages feature Kenobi personally addressing slaves of near-Human Kiffu background, two female and one male. 

Reaction throughout the Star Wars fandom has been mixed.

"It's just devastating," said Kaley Worthington of Albany, New York, "to know that someone you respected so much participated in a system that demeaned people of their most basic right—their very freedom. It's almost as bad as The Last Jedi."

In this spirit, concerned fans have demanded the removal of Obi Wan statuettes and action figures from store shelves. Previous movements for a life size statue of Obi Wan at the summit of Scotland's tallest mountain, Ben Nevis, have been retracted and/or cancelled indefinitely.

Others have been outraged for alternative reasons.

"This is history," said Scott Harkowski, a fan from St. Louis, Missouri. "You can't just cover it up or knock it down or ban it from stores. Slavery was real. So was Obi Wan Kenobi. It's unfortunate the two combined, but we can't just erase them from the past, present, and future."

"It was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away," said Chris Hanover, an Obi Wan cosplayer from Harlan, Kentucky. "A different time and a different place. We can't judge Ben Kenobi by our present standards. Love the Jedi for what he did, even if you can't love the man."

"Personally, I don't see what's so bad about what he did," said Jebediah Crenshaw of Tupelo, Mississippi. "The real injustice is that a man can't own another man anymore. A man's got a right to his property. Many great rebels fought for that right, and Jedis too. If we forget about Obi Wan, we forget about a greater rebellion and a greater cause."