By Stephen Kunk►
The reason? It must have been something in the water.
No, really. It was something in the water.
In 2017, a team of chemists, chemical engineers, and neuroscientists from a host of world-class Panhandle universities embarked upon an ambitious initiative in Big Swampy County. In cooperation with the Big Swampy Department of Public Works, the Florida Public Service Commission, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), the research team began putting small doses of olanzapine in the Big Swampy water supply. Olanzapine is an anti-psychotic.
Apparently, a small amount of psychiatric medication can go a long way. The across-the-board Republican voting, from President to District Court of Appeal to Sheriff to Dog Catcher, flipped over to Democrat in just one election cycle.
"We're astounded by the results," said Andreas Nabovsky, head of applied neurochemical engineering at Florida Pacific University, and leader of the research team. "And we're very pleased, as well. With the advent of Democratic leadership, we've already been able to secure several future projects of this nature in other, larger backwater jurisdictions."
Tampa Bay, Tallahassee, Gainesville, and Orlando have all expressed interest in Nabovsky's research. So too has the incoming Biden administration.
"It's neurochemical engineering, technically speaking," Nabovsky went on to say. "But we jokingly call it 'civil engineering' because it's civilizing a lot of people in the places that need it most."
