By Elton Brawn►
A man in Nashville has been arrested after he swung a brimming colostomy bag at two police officers. The officers, who both ended up covered in his feces, had been called after the man, drunk, had refused to leave a bar.
The man also reportedly had Confederate and Nazi imagery tattooed onto his face and scalp, which came as a surprise to literally no one. Confederate flags and swastikas accessorize well with colostomy bags. Anti-racism activists were quick to point out that had a black man swung a bag full of his own shit at the cops, he would have been shot dead on the spot.
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| The accused, Nicholas Newhart, and his colostomy bag (right). (Nashville Metro Police Department) |
Some commentators even went so far as to assert that an aggressor who swings a full colostomy bag at people like a chain mace should be shot dead by police. It was even suggested that the two officers—who, again, did get covered in feces, during a pandemic no less—should maybe be disciplined for not shooting the man.
"It's really gross," one internet commentator opined. "You can't have people flinging shit at each other during a pandemic. That man deserves to die."
(Yes, that commentator is me.)
Meanwhile, white supremacist groups have remained awkwardly silent regarding the attack. One can surmise that having one of their own staggering around fuckhead-drunk and hurling feces at law enforcement like some kind of frightened monkey might not fully jibe with their notion that whites are somehow superior human beings.
But white supremacists inclined to look on the bright side might take some solace it this: perhaps only a Confederate Nazi would have the pluck and resourcefulness to wield a colostomy bag as a weapon. Talk about intestinal fortitude.
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Elton Brawn is a writer who gets women. Like, a lot of women.
