A
used car salesman was arrested last Friday for publicly
pistol-whipping his husband in an Arby's restaurant in Pensacola,
Florida.
Eyewitnesses
say that Donald Millions, 48, pulled out a 9mm pistol when his
21-year-old spouse brought him a Beef Dip instead of a Beef 'n
Cheddar. When the gun wouldn't fire, Millions knocked his husband to
the floor and rained down blows with the handle.
"He
was screaming the whole time," said one eyewitness, "punctuating
each blow with 'beef' and then 'cheddar.' 'Beef! Cheddar! Beef!
Cheddar!’ He was alternating like that."
Upon arriving on the scene, police officers had to wrestle Millions off his husband. Million's
spouse, known only as 'Lance,' was hospitalized over the weekend. He
will require reconstructive facial surgery.
"He's
lucky," offered another eyewitness, "that he didn't get
shot."
The
news has been doubly shocking to the surrounding community. Firstly,
Millions is something of a local celebrity in the Pensacola area,
where he is known for his enthusiastic commercials and his winning
smile. Secondly, he's an established Republican backer and prominent
member of the First Baptist Church. His recent marriage came as news
to his customers and co-worshippers.
"You
hear what happened, and you wonder how he could do something so
heinous," said one anonymous churchgoer. "Gay marriage is a
sin."
Millions
has been arraigned on charges of domestic battery and assault with a
deadly weapon, though his attorneys are contesting the latter charge.
His battered husband has not filed for divorce, though Millions'
attorneys suggested that the couple may seek counselling.
