By Stephen Kunk►
It's no secret that President Trump has
had countless extramarital affairs. In order for these liaisons to
continue in the wake of COVID-19, Trump has proceeded with extreme
precaution. Thus, for the foreseeable future, all Playmates, porn
stars, and prostitutes passing through the Presidential bedroom will
be required to wear an N95 mask.
"If President Trump wishes to be
intimately involved with a woman, she'll be provided with a mask,"
reported one White House staffer. "This has been a major
determinant of the President's policy with respect to N95 exports."
Late last week, Trump invoked the
Defense Production Act to halt the export of N95 masks by
Minnesota-based manufacturer 3M to allied countries. Canada, for
instance, was initially denied mask orders numbering in the hundreds
of thousands.
"In the Presidential bedroom,"
the staffer said, "the need is there. Sacrifices have to be made."
"You take off all your clothes and
put on the mask," said Sultry Winters, a porn starlet-cum-concubine
whose tour of duty in the White House spanned the night of April 2nd
through to the morning of the 3rd. "The Donald does his business bare-faced,
though. It's kind of kinky."
Nonetheless,
social distancing is still in effect. The aforementioned White House
staffer reported that Trump keeps an arm's length distance between
himself and his paid paramours during all activities, and he
maintains the full six feet as he approaches climax.
"For any droplets that bridge the gap, I'm responsible for their prompt removal," said the staffer,
who wished to remain anonymous.
And how has the First Lady taken to the
new normal?
"Melania demands a full
contamination suit for the President if he even so much as steps into
the same room as her," the staffer explained. "So it’s
pretty much the same as before the pandemic."
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Stephen Kunk lives in Portland with his wife and two daughters.
