The Best Little Dollhouse in Paris

By Charles Norwood ►

Do you feel the urge to make love to a sex doll? If so, there's good news: a brothel specializing in life-like sex dolls has opened in Paris. Patrons of the establishment can pay $110 to take a high-quality silicone sex doll into a private room for one hour. The dolls are then sanitized and preened between "sessions."

Finally, a brothel where the employees don't judge.
But even though this brothel is a godsend for men who like to ravish dolls, not everybody is happy about it. A feminist group has spoken out against the brothel on the grounds that it encourages men to indulge in violent rape fantasies. It seems that one of the benefits of having sex with a doll is that your "passion" won't be limited by the sentience and/or legal rights of your partner.

But are the feminists justified in their concern?

It's hard to say.

On the one hand, it's easy to imagine a scenario in which an ostensibly ordinary man brutalizes a sex doll and, in doing so, awakens within himself an erotic bloodlust that had hitherto lain dormant. Perhaps such a man would be more likely to hurt an actual woman after such an experience. But, on the other hand, it's also easy to imagine a scenario in which some psycho viciously beats his sex doll and, having discharged and sublimated his insanity, is less likely to commit an actual sexual assault.

So which is it?

Sadly, in the absence of a monumentally unethical controlled experiment, it's impossible to know. But, despite this uncertainty, there is a relatively easy solution to the standoff between the feminists and the brothel owners—a solution in which everybody wins. Consider, if you will, the following proposal:

Instead of closing down the sex doll brothel, the owners should consider expanding their operation. Imagine if they were to create a sister brothel which exclusively features life-like male sex dolls. That way, the feminists, for the low price of $110, could simulate the experience of beating the living shit out of a man for a whole hour. Sure, it might not solve the original problem that they came to protest, but it would feel fantastic.

The sister brothel would offer a safe outlet for the rage that comes from having to live in an oppressive patriarchal society. Women put up with a lot of mistreatment at the hands of men. Think of how cathartic it would be to savagely thrash a male doll with a crowbar and then to castrate it with a Bowie knife!

As for the brothel owners, this new dimension of their operation would easily make up for any business lost due to the controversy created by the feminists. They could even direct their earnings towards the further betterment of society, donating a portion of their profits to causes aiding battered women and rehabilitating sex workers.

Like I said, everybody wins.

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Charles Norwood is the author of Epistemology Bloody Epistemology: An Academic Satire and co-founder of the literary collective Goathanger.com. He lives in Toronto, where he is involved in a variety of criminal activities; writing, after all, does not pay.